


Bury a Friend

by fencingfox



Series: Song Fic Collection [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Depression, Discussion of Rape, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Song Inspired, Song: Bury a Friend, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 18:23:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20068522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fencingfox/pseuds/fencingfox
Summary: B'Elanna struggles with the recent deaths of her Maquis friends and the feelings she finds for Tom.RATING: Explicit for sexy times both willing (c:) and not (:c).





	1. The Monster

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by the Billie Eilish song _Bury a Friend_ and is set sometime during s5e3: _Extreme Risk_ but in an alternate universe where Tom and B'Elanna's relationship started a bit sooner, thus allowing Tom to get a little closer. I imagine this is the song B'Elanna has running through her head during most of the episode as she struggles with her feelings for Tom and the death of the other Maquis.

_♫ What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? ♫_

_Tom ran his fingers gently over B'Elanna's ridges as she closed her eyes. The gesture was filled with a concern and sweetness she didn't know Tom possessed. She was glad that she could see this side of him._

_"Let me kiss you?" It was a question B'Elanna realized. She didn't speak, but nodded her head nearly imperceptibly, not wanting to dislodge the fingers caressing her forehead ridges so perfectly. The next thing she felt was the tenderness of Tom's lips meeting with hers. Their lips moved in unison, molding to the other's seamlessly. Tom removed his hand from her ridges to place behind her head to hold her to him. He also ran a tongue over B'Elanna's lower lip, trying to coax her to open her mouth to him. She obliged him by parting her lips. He ran his tongue over the front of her top teeth and then dipped behind them before tangling with her tongue._

B'Elanna shook the memory from her mind. Tom had cornered her outside her quarters this morning as she was on her way out. He stepped into her quarters without asking and he continued advancing as she stepped backwards until she tripped onto her bed. An "oomph" escaping her. He then proceeded to push her against the mattress and caress her lovingly.

Before her was the glowing console that controlled the warp core. All of the readings looked perfect. She stepped over to the next console and repeated this as she commenced her morning inspections. The action reminded her of when she did the same thing on the _Liberty_. She missed that ship. It was a reliable ship, having escaped many a threatening encounter.

B'Elanna's mind drifted back to Tom. The inspection was pretty simple work and it didn't require all of her attention. She wondered what he saw in her. Perhaps, he was only interested in experiencing the fiery passion that Klingon women were known for. She frowned at the thought. She hoped that wasn't the case. Except, she didn't have a better explanation for Tom's advances. She knew from his time with the Maquis that he was a flirt and would sleep with anything that breathed. She wasn't intending on letting him have her, even if it had been a while since anyone besides herself had given her any pleasure.

She debated creating a holodeck program to solve that for her. _How would he look?_ An image of Paris crossed her mind. _No!_ Then she gave it further thought. It wasn't as if Tom would ever find out. That wasn't what she was most worried about. She more worried that fucking a holographic Tom Paris would cause her to develop feelings for the real thing. Besides, it would certainly make bridge duty difficult if she had to fight images of the holographic Tom spreading and pounding her while the real Tom was only a few feet away at the conn. B'Elanna blushed.

Her mind drifted back to this morning. She wondered what drove Tom to find her that morning. She wondered if something had happened. She dismissed it immediately since if something significant had happened she would have been made aware of it, courtesy of her rank. She realized now that she was grasping, hoping to find a reason for Tom's behavior that wasn't an obsession with Klingon mating.

Other than her unique heritage, she wasn't anything impressive. She had proof of that given she hadn't had a boyfriend since her Academy days. To be fair, she wasn't looking, and a revolt wasn't the place to do that anyway. She was neither human nor Klingon. Trapped. No Klingon lover would accept her weaker human instincts. Plus she guessed anything sexual would leave her with too many broken bones to make it to the nearest osteoregenerator. Any human with half a mind would steer clear of her temper. Not that she blamed them. Besides, she knew she could never be satisfied with a human lover. The boyfriends she's had in the past were never willing to see all of her sides between the sheets. She remembered her first boyfriend and what a disaster he was. He didn't like anything rough whatsoever. She made the mistake of biting him on his shoulder once to draw blood and he dumped her on the spot. They didn't even finish their night either.

Once again, her thoughts brought her back to Tom. _Would he let me bite him?_ She recalled their time on Sakari. He didn't seem to mind once he realized her bite's meaning. The memory made her lightheaded with desire suddenly. She took a deep breath to cool off. _Calm down. He's not even here._ Her Klingon side tempted her with a few ideas for if he had been here. Leaving her mark on his face was among them.

_What did he see in her?_ She really was monstrous she confirmed as several aggressive scenarios crossed her mind. If she were him, she wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot-pole.

The door to engineering whooshed open, pulling B'Elanna out of her reverie.


	2. Barely Together

_♫ What are you wondering? What do you know? ♫_

The door to engineering whooshed open, pulling B'Elanna out of her revere. She looked up from the console to see who was there. She was surprised to see Chakotay standing in the doorway. He looked around the main floor before looking at the catwalk. She realized he was looking for her when he locked eyes with her and summoned her down to him.

"What is it Chakotay? I'm a little busy." It wasn't entirely true. All she had planned today were inspections and any repairs that were revealed during the process. What she really wanted was to be allowed to delve into her daydreams of Tom and her guesswork to explain his behavior.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news." B'Elanna's heart jumped, instantly worried for Tom since that's where her mind had just been. _Was he okay?_

"I just heard word that the Alpha Quadrant Maquis are all gone." B'Elanna's eyes widened and her body swayed. Chakotay grabbed her upper arms with both his hands to steady her. "Are you okay?"

"No."

"If you need to talk, I'm always here." B'Elanna looked up at him, hoping this was some kind of dirty and cruel trick. She realized she actually wanted to talk to Tom, but she was surprised at her lack of feelings over this. She hadn't seen the other Maquis in several years now. Still, she lost friends. No one as close to her as Seska, but there were a few that were close and not on the ship with her now.

"How did it happen?" B'Elanna finally found her voice.

"There was a squirmish with a Cardassian ship. They went out fighting. A Federation ship found the debris. There were no survivors." B'Elanna shrugged Chakotay's hands off of her.

"May I take the rest of the day off?"

"Sure, take as long as you need."

"Lieutenant Carey, you're in charge." B'Elanna left engineering without waiting to hear a response. She knew Chakotay would take care of it if need be. She found herself heading for the holodecks without thinking. She needed to feel something, _anything_. It didn't feel right to not feel anything. The possibility of a relationship with Tom should give her a delighted daze while the death of so many of her friends should render her to tears. _Maybe they canceled each other out._ B'Elanna checked Holodeck Two, finding it to be empty for three hours. Her fingers deftly input her reservation for that time and she entered the room.

"Computer, activate program Torres two one six and remove all safety protocols." B'Elanna took a slightly crouched position as the holodeck shimmered around her to reveal a cave. A Cardassian male appeared around the corner of the entryway. He was unarmed and B'Elanna grabbed his wrists with her hands. She spun and released him so that he stumbled against the far wall. With her back turned, she didn't see the second Cardassian approach her from behind. He jumped onto her back to pin her, but she managed to bend forward and throw him from her body. He landed on his back in front of her with his head closer to her. The shock didn't allow him to get up right away so B'Elanna had time to properly dispose of the first Cardassian. He charged at her again. This time she ducked and stuck out her elbow. It made contact with his sternum abruptly. The attack knocked the air out of him. She took the opportunity to punch his face and he went down, unconscious. That left her with the second Cardassian that was beginning to find his feet. When he got close, she aimed a punch at his nose. Only, he caught her wrist in his hand and twisted her to face away from her with her arm hiked up behind her back. She hissed as he felt him pushing her arm to its limit. Then cried out when she felt her shoulder dislocate.

"Aren't you a feisty fiend, Klingon." The Cardassian growled. "Maybe I should teach you a lesson." B'Elanna realized the intent in his voice. Grateful that this was only a holoprogram which she could shut off if he overpowered her, she had no fear as she jabbed him in his solar plexus with her left elbow. She then used her foot to stomp on his instep. Next, she brought her left hand up to connect her fist with his nose. This gave her the chance she needed to twirl away from her Cardassian captor. The new position gave her the opportunity to knee his groin. He cried out, obviously pained. A tune she'd memorized when she was younger and would walk the city past dark played through her head. _Solar plexus, instep, nose, groin~._

"I doubt you'll be getting anywhere with that for a long time," she growled, venom dripping in her words as the Cardassian retreated to nurse his wounds. She didn't have very long to revel in her success before another Cardassian arrived with a short knife. She knew she shouldn't continue fighting now that her arm was dislocated. She couldn't even move it anymore. It swung limply at her side as she grabbed the wrist of the Cardassian that held the knife. He brought his other hand up to switch the knife into that hand and managed to slash at her cheek. She hissed as the sting set in. She attempted to grab the knife from the Cardassian but only managed to cut her palm open on the blade. _Stupid!_

She retreated a few steps to give her time for her next move. When he lunged at her a second time, she crouched and swiped her foot at his legs. Without her second hand this caused her to loose her balance and she fell to the dirt. The knife was within her reach as the Cardassian had dropped it when he fell. She grabbed the handle and scrabbled to her feet. The salt on the handle from the Cardassian's sweat stung her cut. Somehow she managed to do so before the Cardassian. She felt a warm line slide down her forearm as she and the Cardassian circled each other. He lunged for her waist. As he lifted her off of her feet, she slid the knife to the front of his neck and pressed up as she swiped the knife past. Immediately, his hold on her loosened and he dropped to the dirt as she landed on her feet again, his blood spilling at her feet.

"Computer, end program." The holodeck shimmered back into view and the knife in her hand shimmered out of existence. She touched her dislocated shoulder. B'Elanna winced at the shooting electricity that split her arm and caused her to see white. She also looked at her sliced palm. The blood hadn't darkened into a clot yet. She thought the cut was pretty deep and wiggled her fingers to test them. Aside from the stiff pain, her fingers felt functional. The sight of blood intrigued her. She recalled a story about a young woman who died after cutting open the delicate veins in her wrists. With a soft sigh that mercifully didn't disturb her dislocated shoulder, she exited Holodeck Two. She headed to Sickbay for the doctor to heal her.

Just before stepping inside, she realized she was likely to see Tom Paris here. Surprisingly, her body didn't react to the thought in anyway. She would have expected her heart to speed up or to develop clammy hands. She stepped into Sickbay and made her way to the first available biobed. She didn't see the doctor but was instead greeted by Tom.

"Where's the doctor?"

"He was starting to annoy me so I deactivated him for a moment of peace." B'Elanna frowned. "What happened to you?"

"Holodeck." She hesitated. "Pretty rough game of racketball. I think I dislocated my shoulder." Tom pulled out a medical tricorder and ran it over her right shoulder with care. The readings showed that she was right; her shoulder was dislocated. He ran the tricorder over the rest of her body. The readings revealed she had a nasty cut on her left palm, not to mention the one on her cheek. Tom set the tricorder down and grabbed a hypospray. He pressed it to her neck, hearing it hiss as it dispensed a dose of painkiller. He set the hypospray down and then wrapped her hands around B'Elanna's dislocated shoulder.

"How did you manage to dislocate your shoulder and cut yourself while playing racketball?" Tom grunted as he popped B'Elanna's shoulder back into its socket. B'Elanna hissed. The painkiller took the edge off of the relocation but it didn't prevent her from feeling nothing.

"The cuts were from engineering...." Once she said it, she realized how false it sounded.

"You dislocated your shoulder on the holodeck and then went to engineering to work?" Tom picked up a dermal regenerator and ran it over the palm of her hand. "Or was it the other way around? Cuts in engineering, then dislocation on the holodeck?" The cut slowly closed. When it did, he grabbed a damp cloth to clean her of the blood that went from her hand down her forearm under her uniform sleeve. She nodded. He didn't believe her. Tom moved to heal her cheek. Her eyes shifted away from him suspiciously. "What did you cut your hand on in engineering?" B'Elanna wasn't sure how to answer

"Fine, I got both of these on the holodeck," B'Elanna winced as she rolled her shoulder to test it. It stung to move, but at least she could move it now. "I was fighting Cardassians."

"With the safety turned off? Why?"

"I needed a distraction."

"From what?"

"From the Cardassians," B'Elanna hissed. "Chakotay told me that they killed the rest of the Maquis in the Alpha Quadrant." Her eyes blurred. She pressed a finger to one. It came away wet. She was crying, but she didn't feel sad. Her body felt a million lightyears away from her in that moment. Even after fighting on the holodeck, she didn't feel anything. She needed a distraction. B'Elanna turned to take Tom in. He could be a distraction. Tom saw the hint of tears in her eyes. He pressed his hand to her cheek. She leaned against his hand automatically.

"I'm sorry B'Elanna. You must be sad." B'Elanna pulled her head away.

"No, that's just it. I-" She searched for the proper description. "I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing." She looked down. "Not even for you." Tom took his hand away to smooth down her hair gently.

"That's alright." He rested his head against B'Elanna's. He wouldn't admit that he wanted to coax a feeling from her. He thought that feeling something might make her feel a little better. "You have bigger things to worry about.

"I-I should go, Tom." She hopped off of the biobed. Cringing at the dull electricity that shot through her injured arm. "I should rest."

"Right. Sleep well, B'Elanna."

**=/\=**

"Computer. What time is it?"

"1400 hours." She realized she still had another hour on the holodeck. Tom had repaired her well enough. She could continue fighting. Decided, B'Elanna headed for Holodeck Two.

"Computer start program Torres two one six and remove safety protocols." B'Elanna crouched as the holodeck shimmered into a cave. She was prepared for the two Cardassian that would come around the corner. She dodged the first so that the second wouldn't catch her off-guard.


	3. Cry Softly

_♫ Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? ♫_

"Computer, locate B'Elanna Torres."

"B'Elanna Torres is on Holodeck Two." Tom shook his head. _B'Elanna._ "Computer, what program is Torres running?"

"B'Elanna has activated program Torres two one six and disengaged the safety protocols." He wasn't sure which program two one six was, but if she had disengaged the safety protocols, it couldn't be a walk on the beach.

"Activate the Emergency Medical Hologram."

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"I need to check up on B'Elanna. She came in early with a dislocated shoulder and a deep cut on her palm. She decided to return to the Holodeck where she was hurt in the first place."

"You'd better check on her," the Doctor agreed. Tom picked up a tricorder and a dermal regenerator to take with him.

"Thank you, Doctor." Tom made his way to Holodeck Two. The door opened to reveal a cave and B'Elanna surrounded by three Cardassians. Two of them had knifes. B'Elanna also had one. The armed Cardassians lunged at her.

"Computer, end program." Tom barked. The holodeck shimmered back to existence. B'Elanna's knife disappeared.

"Tom!" B'Elanna growled and lunged at him. She wished she still had the knife. Tom grabbed her in his arms. When she struggled, he didn't let go.

"What were you _thinking_?" Tom winced when B'Elanna bit his arm through the tough uniform. "You only just got back from Sickbay."

"I was trying to _feel_ something." She continued to struggle.

"You'll hurt yourself again." B'Elanna was beginning to get more aggressive. He worried she would try to bite him again. "Paris to Transporter Room One. Please initiate a site to site transport to B'Elanna Torres's quarters." The Holodeck shimmered out of existence and the two of them found themselves in B'Elanna's quarters.

"Computer, lock these quarters until my authorization. Authorization clearance zeta one zero three." He released B'Elanna. She scurried away from him.

"Get away from me, Tom," she hissed. She grabbed the first thing she could grab—a small blue vase—and threw it at him. He dodged her, laughing. The vase shattered behind him on the bulkhead.

"Is this a Klingon mating throw or?"

"No! I'm angry!" B'Elanna picked up another object—her stuffed targ—and threw it at Tom. Tom caught it and set it down on the coffee table near him. While he was distracted, B'Elanna was able to throw a PADD at Tom. It hit the back of his head.

"Ow!" Tom made to rub at his head. "At least you're feeling something." B'Elanna considered that. It didn't make her any less furious at Tom for interrupting her. She lunged at Tom with a growl. Tom caught her in his arms again.

"B'Elanna, stop!" Tom pressed her against him harder. He tried to ignore what her struggling was stimulating and only hoped she didn't notice. She'd probably cut it off and hand it to him on a silver platter, still engorged. The thought calmed him down.

"I know you are upset, but you need to stop. This isn't helping you!"

"I don't care! I just want-" She didn't know what she wanted.

"What?" _I just want to cry._ She stopped struggling and Tom loosened his grip on her. She leaned against him and cried softly. Tom pet her head gently.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, B'Elanna. It's okay."

"All of my friends," B'Elanna cried through her sobs, "they're all gone. All of them. I'll never see them again." Her voice grew quiet.

"Come now, that's not true." Tom pulled her away from him to wipe the tears from her eyes and cheeks gently. "You have Chakotay and Harry and," he hesitated, "me." Tom led her to the couch in the middle of the room and set her down as he sat down. He lay back on the couch seats, bringing her with him to rest on his chest. The calming sensation of his breathing worked to soothe B'Elanna of their own accord. Soon her sobs stopped shaking her body so violently

"I'm sorry I threw those things at you." Tom resumed petting her head and began rubbing gentle circles on her arm with his other hand.

"Hmm, maybe the next time you do you'll be in a better mood." She hit his chest with her fist.

"You wish, Hotshot."

"You don't know the half of it." Tom reached over to the coffee table to reach the battered targ from there. He brought it over to B'Elanna and pressed it against her neck gently. She took it in her hand and nuzzled against the soft plush.

"Are you going to hurt yourself again?"

"No." She felt relaxed, safe even while in Tom's arms. She enjoyed the steady rise and fall of his chest below hers. It lulled her to sleep. Tom found himself trapped under her resting body. _Well, I guess the Doctor will have to wait._


	4. Security Blanket

_♫ When we all fall asleep, where do we go? ♫_

B'Elanna didn't want to be alone tonight. Something told her she was a danger to herself at the moment. Her mind kept going over the holodeck program she was using and the woman who bled to death. She slid out of bed and walked around her room. Without realizing, she found herself exiting her quarters. Seeing as she couldn't sleep, she didn't bother turning back around. When she stopped in front of Tom's quarters, she was surprised. She had expected her feet to carry her to the Holodecks. Maybe her self-preservation had won out this time around.

She pressed her hand to the door switch only to find that it didn't respond. She guessed he locked the door at night. She wondered if it was a habit he picked up at the penal colony.

"Computer open the door to Tom's quarters. Authorization clearance omega four seven." The door whooshed open softly and B'Elanna stepped inside. Tom's sleeping body made a small mound on the bed. _What am I doing?_ She almost turned around but stopped when Tom stirred.

"Hello?" When she didn't answer Tom consulted the computer. "Computer, illumination to 50 percent." The computer obliged to reveal B'Elanna standing just inside his quarters. "B'Elanna? Come to kill me in my sleep?"

"No." B'Elanna stepped closer to the bed as Tom sat up. She noticed that he was shirtless. She hoped he wore boxers at least. "Can I join you? I couldn't sleep." Tom blushed.

"Umm, would you give me a moment. And-and turn away please." _So he wasn't wearing anything._ B'Elanna turned around as Tom slid out of his blankets. Tom looked in her direction to make sure she wasn't watching. When he began looking for something to put on, she turned to sneak a glance. She realized she was slightly disappointed when her troubles only rewarded her with a sight of his butt. It wasn't a bad butt. She thought it looked firm. She turned away before Tom noticed.

"Ready, yet?" Tom slipped a pair of loose boxers on.

"Yes, you can look now." B'Elanna blushed. Tom's chest was better defined than she expected it to be. Tom crawled back into his bed. "So you couldn't sleep?"

"No. I didn't feel safe with myself."

"And you feel safe with me?" Tom was surprised. B'Elanna hesitated.

"Yes." She slipped under the covers and fit her backside to Tom's front. She sighed contently when she felt Tom wrap his arms around her sweetly. B'Elanna's sigh encouraged a slight stirring in his boxers. Tom thought of flight scenarios to distract him. It worked until B'Elanna decided to nuzzle against him. _Please don't notice. Maybe if I don't move, she won't realize._ B'Elanna felt secure at last. "Thank you, Tom." A thought occurred to B'Elanna.

"What happens when we go to sleep?" Tom contemplated.

"I think that is a question for the Doctor."

"You're probably right. But what do you think?"

"I think we don't go anywhere. We just dream. What do you think?"

"My mother told me that all Klingons visited Sto-Vo-Kor to see their lost loved ones. But, I've never had a dream there before." The breathing behind her lulled her to sleep.


	5. Trust You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some smut.

* * *

_♫ Say it, spit it out, what is it exactly_  
_You're payin'? Is the amount cleanin' you out, am I satisfactory?  
_ _Today, I'm thinkin' about the things that are deadly ♫_

B'Elanna woke up with a weight on her. It took her a moment to remember the events of last night. She had never spent the night in the bed of another man before. She found that she preferred it to sleeping alone. The sweet pleasure of waking up warm and in the arms of someone kind was an irresistible treasure. She felt Tom stir and couldn't ignore the tell-tale bulge digging into her backside. She blushed.

"Hmm, good morning B'Elanna. Did you sleep well?"

"I did. Did you?" Tom nodded against her head. The slight motion caused his scent to waft over to her. She breathed deeply. He smelled like a spring morning, slightly sweet and hearty. It was then that Tom realized their unexpected guest. He pulled his lower half away from B'Elanna, face hot.

"Sorry. I swear that happens even when you aren't here."

"It's alright, Tom. I won't hold it against you." B'Elanna shifted in his arms to face him

"Just give him a moment and he'll leave." B'Elanna fought the urge to watch him soften. Somehow, she didn't think it would under her gaze. Instead, she reached up to plant a kiss on Tom. Tom stilled for a moment, shocked, before participating in the kiss. _A second kiss._ B'Elanna broke away.

"Sorry, I'm probably not helping." She gestured to Tom's lower half and accidentally brushed against it in the process. Tom moaned softly. Then he looked away, shame causing his cheeks to redden deeply. He grabbed her hand and pushed it away from him. The motion turned her to her back and caused him to lay on top of her. He took the opportunity to kiss her again, wondering if he was pressing his luck now.

"I don't mind. I'm on Beta shift today, I can take care of myself later." He pulled back to look at her face. "That is if you don't care to help me." She hit his chest with her free hand again.

"In your dreams!"

"Oh, you will be." B'Elanna giggled. She felt flattered. It felt nice to be appreciated as a woman by Tom. She pulled him down to her with her free hand to kiss him. Tom pulled away after a moment.

"I like you, B'Elanna." She watched Tom for a sign of him lying. "I don't want to mess this up. If I can't have you as a lover, I still need you as a friend." B'Elanna was confused. _How could he like her?_ She didn't think she was anything special and she still wasn't sure that he wasn't just after a memorable night with a half Klingon.

"How can I trust you aren't just trying to bed me?"

"I already have," Tom replied mischievously. He did have her pinned beneath him. To prove his point, he pressed himself against her, grinding his hips slightly. B'Elanna gasped. Against her better judgement, she felt aroused.

"That's exactly why I can't trust you."

"Oh you wouldn't let me do anything you didn't want.

"No, you're right." Tom pressed his lips to B'Elanna's again. He wondered how far she would let him go and decided he would push his luck. Maybe it would distract her from the death of her comrades. Tom slipped a hand under her night shirt. He inched his hand closer to her breast. When he ran his thumb over her nipple a few times, he felt her harden under him. B'Elanna gasped but she didn't stop him. She didn't think she should still be here, but she couldn't resist. _What if she never saw Tom again? What if something happened to him?_ Tom released her lips and kissed down her neck. He took the skin at the juncture of her neck and shoulder into his mouth, tasting her. After a moment he bit down tentatively. B'Elanna moaned softly. He took that as encouragement and decided to bite down harder. He tasted blood.

B'Elanna squirmed under him, causing his erection to harden further. She noticed and blushed. On the one hand, she was satisfied to be having this effect on Tom. On the other hand, she was worried he would get too attached to her if she let him go much further. A worse thought crossed her mind. She wondered if she could fight off Tom if he decided to have his way with her. She tested the wrist he had pinned and found she couldn't move it. He had all the leverage. Her stomach sank with fear when she realized that she wouldn't be able to escape him, pinned as she was.

Tom's hand slipped out from under her shirt and drifted to her shorts. He slipped his hand under the bottom right leg. When his hand glanced over her sex, she shifted away from him, fearing that her nightmare was becoming a reality.

"No. Tom." B'Elanna said sternly. She breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled his hand away quickly. _So, I'm safe with him._ He wouldn't push her too far. Tom returned his hand to massaging her breast. Her skin was smooth and supple under his fingers. It was B'Elanna's turn to find his neck. When she did, she bit down, a little higher up than he had on her. She thought that it would be high enough to show under his turtleneck. She grinned at the thought of the Captain or Chakotay giving him a hard time about it. Chakotay would probably realize it was her. He'd probably be glad that she had something to get her mind off of the Cardassians and her Maquis comrades. After biting his neck, it was getting harder to resist biting his cheek. She knew that if she did, she wouldn't be able to leave without getting naked and exposing herself to Tom for his taking.

The computer chimed Tom's wakeup call.

"The time is 0900 hours." B'Elanna pulled away from Tom.

"I should go."

"We have another few hours before my shift starts," Tom kissed her again. "Are you sure we have to leave so soon?" B'Elanna giggled.

"Yes. Not unless you want to report to duty with an impressive erection." She squirmed softly and he responded with a gasp.

"You think it's impressive?"

"Yes actually." Tom was surprised and he leaned to whisper into her ear.

"Maybe you'll want to see it some time?" B'Elanna pushed him off of her.

"Not anytime soon, you pig!" While Tom laughed, B'Elanna got out of bed, throwing the covers over Tom's face mischievously. The light covers muffled his laughter. She slipped on her shoes and went to the door. A sudden thought struck her. She didn't want the crew to know that she had slept in Tom's quarters. Somehow she didn't think anyone would believe her when she told them that nothing had happened. _Well, that's not entirely true._ She remembered their kisses and his erection with a blush as she stepped out into the hallway.


	6. Trust Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentioning and fantasizing of suicide in this chapter and the next. Suicide really should be one of the archive's warnings.

* * *

_♫ Bury a friend, I wanna end me_  
_I wanna end me_  
_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna end me  
_ _I wanna, I wanna, I wanna ♫_

Tom laid back in his bed, removing the blanket from his face, satisfied. B'Elanna had let him touch her more than he could have ever imagined. Tom glanced down at himself. The blanket made a short tent over his crotch. _Right._ He pulled the blanket down and soon slipped his boxers down his legs to his ankles and kicked them off. His hand trailed along his inner thigh tempting himself. He imagined B'Elanna running her hand in the same places as he did. The thought excited him. He wondered if she would ever engage with him in that way. He hoped she would. With a soft sigh, he wrapped his hand around his shaft. He closed his eyes, picturing B'Elanna towering over him and wrapping her hand around him before moving in to kiss him.

In his fantasy, she pulled back and bit his cheek to draw blood. He moaned as the remembered feelings of pain and pleasure returned to him from Sakari. His fantasy permitted him to lean forward to rest his mouth on her upper breast. He placed his own mark there, much to B'Elanna's delight. She growled with pleasure and took his mouth into hers. The pressure on his shaft tightened delightfully. He began to move his hand faster as his stomach tightened with desire. _Oh, I wish she was here._ He thought that even if she didn't want to be with him, maybe he would be able to convince her to kiss him while he pleasured himself. The image changed to just that. She kneeled on his left and placed fervent kisses on his lips. His pace quickened. He felt himself close. The pressure in his stomach descended to his groin and soon he felt the warm liquid pour out of his cock onto his hand and stomach. He groaned at the release. Satisfied. In his fantasy, B'Elanna dipped her head to his torso to clean him up greedily.

**=/\=**

B'Elanna looked around her room for clothing to change into. She also had Beta shift today. She contemplated asking Chakotay for another day off, but she assessed that she felt fine. She had no illusions that Tom had been the cause of her feelings. She wasn't happy or elated, but she was calm. After a moment, she found her uniform and slipped into it.

Her mind drifted to her and Tom's morning. _Their morning._ She could get used to waking up with him. She enjoyed waking up with him wrapped around her. She had felt so safe, like nothing in the world could harm them. She knew that wasn't true. _Voyager_ encountered dangers nearly everyday. With a content smile, B'Elanna headed out of her quarters to go to engineering. She bumped into someone when she hastily exited her room.

"Watch it," she hissed.

"Sorry B'Elanna, I didn't see you there," Tom answered. B'Elanna's expression softened.

"Hi Tom." She noticed the upper edge of her bite showing over the top of Tom's turtleneck just above his lieutenant bar and grinned. Tom realized where her gaze rested.

"Yeah, it shows." Tom shrugged. "Maybe I'll keep it a while longer." Tom watched her expression carefully. He caught a look of pride. "I'm just glad you didn't bite my cheek again." Memories of Sakari overwhelmed B'Elanna. When she told him that she wanted him and he had said that he hoped she would say that again and mean it, she didn't believe him. She was also surprised that he refused to take advantage of her at her weakest. She thoroughly appreciated his restraint. She wouldn't have been able to look at herself or him afterwards if things had gotten serious.

"I'm sure Chakotay will have a word or two regarding it." She laughed at the mental image of a surprised Chakotay. Given that the bite rested just above his lieutenant bar, it would be hard to ignore.

"Oh, I'll definitely see that I give him a hard time about it." Tom leaned his head down to steal a kiss from B'Elanna. "How much do you think he knows about Klingon mating rituals?" B'Elanna blushed.

"Some, I'm sure. What do you know about it?"

"Well I know where to bite back if you should bite my cheek again." B'Elanna looked away, sure she was red as a tomato.

"And where is that exactly?" She wanted to make sure. Tom raised his hand to press against the top swell of her left breast.

"Here, of course." B'Elanna's heart beat faster. She stepped away; she didn't want Tom to know. She also didn't want any passersby to get the wrong idea. _Or the right one,_ she chided.

"I-I should get going, Paris. I'm needed in engineering." Tom leaned down to steal one last kiss before letting her drift from his arms. They held hands until she was too far to reach. B'Elanna turned to walk toward engineering. She glanced over her shoulder to see Tom watching her derrière. She gave it a few sways with her next steps. Tom whistled at her, making her smile and blush.

**=/\=**

B'Elanna's shift was frustrating. She had two major issues and a group of inept engineers to boss around. They weren't all too happy to be her subordinates today. She found herself wanting a way to unwind. Her mind drifted to her Cardassian program. _No._ She didn't want to end up in Sickbay again. She wandered toward the Holodecks. Holodeck One was free for an hour. She pressed a few buttons to reserve the time for herself. Once inside, she wasn't sure what program to run. She decided to look through the available programs.

"Computer, display all available programs that have thrilling events or places in them."

"Please clarify." B'Elanna contemplated.

"Thrilling events or places like tall places, extreme biomes, aggressive inhabitants."

"Understood. There are nine programs that meet these parameters."

"Please describe them."

"Program Bartlett seven three five is a flight simulation through the atmosphere of Venus, a planet in Earth's solar system with a dense and hostile atmosphere."

"Next."

"Program Wildman one four two is a birthing simulation on a space shuttle currently being attacked by Kazon operatives."

"Next." Her mind drifted to the thought of being pregnant. Then to being pregnant with Tom's child. She shook the image away. She didn't dream he would ever want to conceive with her.

"Program Carey four seven nine is a Borg cube where the objective is to escape the cube undetected."

"Next." She was beginning to loose hope for a decent program.

"Program Paris five five seven is located on top of Niagara Falls, the tallest waterfall on Earth."

"That one. Computer, initiate program Paris five five seven." Niagara Falls shimmered into being below her feet. She found herself on the shore's edge at the top of the waterfall. The rush of the waterfall caused her to sway in her spot. She stepped forward to look over the edge of the falls. Sharp rocks at the bottom, shaped by years of water crashing into them, jutted out of the water's surface. Their presence caused the water to splash everywhere, causing a watery haze at the bottom. She had an image of herself plummeting to those rocks.

"Computer, disable safety protocols." B'Elanna stared at the bottom of the falls, wondering what it would feel like to land among them. She didn't know if she would feel the rocks tear her skin. She also didn't know how long the fall would be. Would she have time to regret her decision to jump?

B'Elanna felt...overwhelmed. At that realization, tears threatened to spill onto her cheeks. There was too much pressure on her. Her chosen family was dead. She didn't know what to do with Tom. Her job was frustrating. They were stuck in the goddamn Delta Quadrant! She screamed out her frustration.

**=/\=**

Tom headed to his quarters after his shift. He wanted a cup of tea to drink. Then he remembered B'Elanna and their morning together. He diverted his steps to her chambers. Once there, he buzzed the door. When he didn't receive an answer, he consulted the computer.

"Computer, locate B'Elanna Torres."

"B'Elanna Torres is on Holodeck One." Tom groaned. He wished he had told someone so that they could revoke her holodeck privileges. _Not again._ "Computer, what program is she running this time?"

"B'Elanna has activated program Paris five five seven and disengaged the safety protocols." Tom wracked his memory to remember which program five five seven was. _Niagara Falls._ Tom sprinted from outside B'Elanna's quarters to Holodeck One. He didn't want to loose her.

The doors to Holodeck One slid open to admit Tom. He saw a figure standing at the top of the waterfall. Her figure was hazy due to the water spray but he was certain that it was her. Tom watched in horror as B'Elanna stepped up to the edge and saw her body go over the edge.

"No! Computer, reengage safety protocols and end program!" Tom sprinted to B'Elanna.


	7. Fall Safely

_♫ Keep you in the dark, what had you expected?_  
_Me to make you my art and make you a star  
_ _And get you connected? ♫_

"Safety protocols reengaged." Tom breathed a sigh of relief as the computer confirmed his request. He watched as B'Elanna bounced off of the holodeck floor innocently. She had her eyes closed so she didn't notice that the holodeck had returned to normal. Tom was at her side in an instant.

"B'Elanna, what is with you?"

"Nothing, Tom."

"No, not nothing. You just jumped off a 167 foot drop! Don't tell me there's nothing wrong."

"I just can't."

"B'Elanna, don't keep me out."

"What? Did you think I would tell you about this feeling? This-this emptiness? You wouldn't understand!" Tom helped her to her feet. Although, the safeties had been on, her limbs tingled with adrenaline.

"I could, if you told me." Tom brushed a strand of hair away from her mouth. "Have I ever told you about Caldik Prime?"

"No."

"I caused the deaths of three of my colleagues, my friends, because I didn't know what I was doing."

"That must have been tough."

"Yes. So you see, I can understand that feeling of emptiness. It's so deep you doubt you would be able to pull yourself out if you ventured into it." Tom pressed his head to B'Elanna's forehead. He felt her nod against his head. "What were you thinking, jumping like that?"

"I didn't want to be left alone."

"Left alone?" B'Elanna looked up at him.

"If something happened to you or Chakotay.... I wouldn't know what to do then. I don't want to be without you."

"You don't?"

"No. And I don't want to be here anymore." Tom nodded.

"Let's go to your quarters, if that's alright." She nodded again and they made their way to her quarters slowly. Soon they reached her quarters. B'Elanna entered her unlocking code and the door opened to admit them. She went to her couch and sat down. Tom sat down next to her and drew her head to his shoulder. She shifted her body to rest her hand on his chest. After a moment, she stood.

"I want to change into something more comfortable. This uniform chafes." Tom followed her movements.

"So are you going to strip for me?" He knew it was inappropriate to suggest this after what had just happened in the holodeck. B'Elanna chuffed.

"You never quit do you?" She pulled off her jacket and turtleneck as she stepped to her dresser in her tank top. The hint of red lace peeked out from next to one of the straps. B'Elanna hadn't asked him to look away so he continued to watch as she rummaged through her dresser. He treated himself to an image of B'Elanna slipping into something slinky and red. He loved her in red. He vaguely noted that red was the color of her blood. That led to him wanting to bite her again. The thought drove him to stand and he wrapped his arms around her torso.

"Tom." His name rolled off her tongue as she laughed. Tom pressed his lips against her upper bicep and sank his teeth into it. He tasted blood as she gasped. He moved to her other bicep and bit her again, much to B'Elanna's delight. She squirmed in his arms, trying to twist her body to face him. Tom relented, placing his hands on the dresser behind her so that she could turn to face him. When B'Elanna met his eyes she had an urge to sink her teeth into his face just below them. She growled and brought her teeth to his cheek. B'Elanna bit into his inviting skin then. Tom gasped. The stirrings of desire tumbled in her stomach. _No._ She pulled away from Tom then.

"S-sorry. I didn't mean to." Tom pressed a hand to his cheek and the bite there. Then, he put his hand to B'Elanna's cheek, smudging her with his blood. B'Elanna could smell him. The scent made her want to wrestle him to the ground, but she knew better than to oblige that part of her—that Klingon part. Tom's lips traveled down her neck and then to her chest where he pushed the cotton fabric of her tank top away from her upper breast. He hesitated, wondering if she would push him away. When she didn't, he bit into her supple skin there. She growled. Now, she really wanted to tackle him.

She pushed away from the dresser and wrestled him to the ground. They landed with her straddling his hips. She greedily ground her hips against his, satisfied when his body responded. His response brought her to her senses. _No, no, no._ She wouldn't—couldn't with him. She scrambled on her hands and knees away from him and crouched against the side of her bed.

"B'Elanna?" Confused, Tom made to move toward her.

"No, stay back."

"Okay, I won't try anything." He stood up, rather shaky, and went to her couch. "Go ahead and change." B'Elanna watched as he sat on the couch, obviously aroused. She felt bad, but there was nothing she could do to help it. _Well, not nothing._ She stood up and moved to her dresser. She fished out a pair of red shorts. She draped them over the top of the dresser and undid her pants. It was only when she had pulled them down over her bottom to reveal her red lacy underwear that she realized she didn't ask Tom to look away. She turned around and blushed when she saw him watching her every move. _Oops._ Realizing that it was too late anyway, she shed herself of her pants. Seeing as how Tom had already seen her this way she decided to abandon the idea of shorts and simply tossed her used clothing into the reclaimer. She made her way to Tom's side and leaned against him.

"Changed your mind then?" She nodded.

"I forgot to ask you to look away." Tom chuckled.

"I noticed." He traced circles on her arms around the bite he'd left. He was satisfied with his mark, feeling almost like he had claimed her. _Actually,_ he reminded himself, _he had and she him if I remember my Klingon mating customs correctly._

"Do you mind if I get comfortable as well?" B'Elanna debated what he thought comfortable would be. Remembering that she had found him sleeping naked, she responded.

"No, so long as you keep your boxers on."

"Of course." Tom pulled his arm away from her and removed his jacket and turtleneck. He tossed those toward the reclaimer behind him. He smiled at the thought of the reclaimer being confused about his clothing in B'Elanna's reclaimer. He knew that clothing which didn't belong to the quarter's occupants caused an automated message to Sickbay. The system was in place for shorter missions where fraternizations was frowned upon. Since their trip had only intended to be three weeks, Sickbay got a message every time a pair cared to spend the night in the other's quarters. He figured he should have disabled it a long time ago, but it did help him win betting pots. Next, he leaned forward to unlatch his pants and slipped them off his legs. He had removed his shoes once he had entered the room. Tom tossed the pants in the same direction that he had tossed his jacket and turtlenecks. He settled back against the couch and let B'Elanna rest her head against his bare chest. She looked down at the bulge disturbing his boxers. She wondered what he would feel like. _Well, it would be easy enough to find out._ She pressed her hand to him. He moaned.

"B'Elanna? You don't have to."

"I know; I want to." B'Elanna purred as her hand massaged him. She moved to kneel in front of him. She wasn't sure what had came over her. She thought it might have to do with the shock of her friends' deaths. She wanted to push her to her limits—any limit. Loosing herself with Tom seemed to be one of those limits. She positioned herself between Tom's knees and tugged at the waistband of his boxers to reveal his cock. He looked delicious to her. B'Elanna looked up at Tom submissively as she took him into her mouth. Tom watched, a growing sense of fierce ownership taking hold, as he watched B'Elanna with his bites take him into her mouth. He put a hand on her head, twining his fingers into her hair gently. She felt so good to him and he moaned softly.

"B'Elanna," he said breathlessly. She replied with a satisfied hum that jumbled Tom's sense of reality. He couldn't believe he had her mouth on his cock. B'Elanna's tongue circled around his tip gently. It probed at the end of him in a way that made him gasp and moan with surprised pleasure. B'Elanna began moving her head back and forth over him while she massaged one of his testicles. She pulled her head off of him and lifted his penis to access his testicles with her mouth. She took one of his balls into her mouth, suckling at him like a babe at a tete. He moaned and rocked against her. Taking that as a sign, B'Elanna switched to the other ball. Tom moaned again. Then, B'Elanna left his ball sac in favor of his penis. She took all of him into her mouth greedily.

Tom looked down to see her mouth flush against his pelvic bone. He was impressed she could take all of him into her. She was so petite after all. She moved back and forth across him, working to get a rise out of him. B'Elanna enjoyed the noises emanating from Tom more than she cared to admit. The juncture between her legs felt slick. She resisted the urge to pleasure herself. She figured she could wait until after Tom left. _Or she could convince Tom to help her like she helped him now._ She increased her pressure and speed as she worked Tom. Her hands found and massaged his balls. After a few moments, he gasped and bucked into her mouth when she wasn't expecting him to. It made her gag, but she successfully resisted the urge to pull away since she wanted to taste him. He tasted sweet. She greedily licked away his ejaculation as it entered her mouth in three warm spurts. She pulled away from him once she was sure that he had finished.

"How was that?" Tom panted. Spent now that he had ejaculated with B'Elanna. _B'Elanna._ Her name made his stomach go up into butterflies.

"It was wonderful, B'ela." Tom smiled. "Come here."

"Hmm, only if you call me that again."

"B'ela, B'ela, B'ela, come here so I can kiss you." B'Elanna rose to her feet as she slid the waistband of his boxers back over him and straddled him. She took in her bite mark on his cheek and caressed it sweetly. Then she bent her head to kiss him passionately.


	8. Fresh Start

_♫ I'll meet you in the park, I'll be calm and collected_  
_But we knew right from the start that you'd fall apart_  
_'Cause I'm too expensive_  
_Your talk'll be somethin' that shouldn't be said out loud  
_ _Honestly, I thought that I would be dead by now (Wow) ♫_

B'Elanna woke with Tom's arms around her. She felt a wave of security wash over her and she smiled, eyes still closed. _I think I'm in love._

"Hello love," Tom realized his mistake "-ly." He traced his fingers over her arm, relishing the raised flesh of his bite mark there. _Guess he is too._

"It's alright Tom." She turned around to nuzzle against him. "I like that petname." She breathed in his scent. He smelled masculine and springy like before. "Did you like my present?" Tom pressed his hand to her upper left breast.

"Did you like mine? I've been reading up on Klingons." B'Elanna blushed. Their noses and foreheads rested against each other.

"Then you know?"

"That you aren't to so much as _look_ at another person again? Yes." B'Elanna nuzzled her head against the crook of Tom's neck.

"I don't want to look at anyone else," she admitted.

"Would you like to go camping sometime?" Tom asked her as he stood from the couch to gather his clothes. As much as he wanted to surprise the Doctor and whoever else was in Sickbay by leaving his clothes for the reclaimer, he couldn't very well walk to his quarters in only his boxers. Feeling sly, he opted to slip his socks into the reclaimer. _There._

"Where?"

"The holodeck of course. Maybe it will help to take your mind off of everything that has happened." B'Elanna nodded.

"Yes, I'd like that. When?"

"I have some time reserved tomorrow. I can probably extend it for the night if you'd like." B'Elanna nodded.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For caring for me. For helping me through this. I appreciate it. I appreciate you."

"Then it's a date. Meet me on Holodeck One at 2000 hours tomorrow." Tom pressed his lips to B'Elanna's, not giving her the chance to respond. He couldn't count the number of times that they had kissed each other over the past few days. He just knew that it was a lot.

**=/\=**

Later that evening B'Elanna made her way to Holodeck One. She hesitated outside the door, remembering her earlier experiences in the holodecks. _What had she been thinking?_ She recalled the feeling of dread at the idea of being alone. She remembered the freedom she felt when she leapt from that waterfall. B'Elanna shook the memories from her mind and stepped into the holodeck.

"Tom?" Her eyes adjusted to the dim light of the moonlit forest. B'Elanna looked around. There were no openings in the trees that she could see. She didn't know how they would be able to set up a tent. She guessed, however, that they could just lay out a tarp and some sleeping bags between the trees.

"I'm over here, B'Elanna." B'Elanna heard him somewhere to her left. She walked towards the sound. "How are you, love." Tom blushed when he let the nickname slip.

"I'm alright, _love_." B'Elanna smiled and pressed herself against him in a chaste kiss. "Where were you planning on sleeping? That is if you planned on us sleeping at all," she suggested. She wasn't quite ready for anything with Tom, but liked to mess with him. It was rare that she had this opportunity.

"Come here, let me show you." Tom peeled himself away from her reluctantly and took her hand. He led her to another grove of trees near a languid river. There were two hammocks strung between three trees. They shared a common tree between them and formed a triangle. Wool blankets draped over each of the hammocks. There was a third wool blanket at the bottom of the trees with a few pillows leaning against the trunks.

"Looks cozy." She was a little disappointed that they couldn't share a bed together.

"I'm pretty sure two people can fit in one of them," Tom said, reading B'Elanna's mind. _How did he do that?_ "I could also replicate a large sleeping back if you would prefer that."

"We can just sleep in one. I like waking up with your arms around me."

"You do now? Maybe I should ask Chakotay to assign us a couples quarters."

"Don't get too far ahead of yourself, Tom." A cold breeze passed through the trees. B'Elanna shivered. She'd only worn a tank top and a pair of black shorts. She'd expected it to be warmer on the holodeck. Tom wrapped his arms around her.

"Cold?"

"Very." She leaned back against Tom, doing her best to encase herself in his warmth.

"I know a way we can warm you up," he murmured suggestively to her ear.

"I have a better idea. Computer, raise the ambient temperature by two degrees Centigrade."

"Acknowledged." Tom continued to hold her in his arms. He thought that he could hold B'Elanna like this forever. He made a mental note to take her someplace cold next time where she couldn't raise the temperature, like skiing or snow tubing. Warm now, B'Elanna freed herself of Tom's grasp and led him to the wool blanket on the forest floor. Tom leaned against the pillowed tree, placed a pillow in front of him and motioned for B'Elanna to lean against him and the pillow. She obliged with a contented sigh. They remained that way for several moments, enjoying the rise and fall of each other's chests as they breathed in unison.

"So do you want to tell me about it?" B'Elanna thought a moment.

"I'm not exactly sure what there is to tell. My friends are dead because of some Cardassians. I hadn't seen them in years and I won't get to say goodbye to them even now."

"Well that's something."

"I suppose it is." B'Elanna took Tom's hands up to wrap around her stomach and she rested her own on top of them. "Would you like to talk about Caldik Prime?"

"I'm pretty sure I told you everything about it. I killed my friends and then lied about it for a while before I was found out and sent out on my ass."

"How did they find out?"

"Sensor logs revealed that a pilot caused the crash. And since I was the only one qualified to pilot that shuttle, they knew it had to be me. I was actually going to turn myself in anyway." Tom pressed his face against B'Elanna's hair. She smelled like apples and warp plasma. He attributed the apples to her shampoo and the warp plasma to engineering. Although, he wouldn't be surprised to learn that she somehow used warp plasma to wash herself or had warp plasma scented hygiene products. "How do their deaths make you feel?"

"At first I felt nothing. I was numb really. Maybe it was from the initial shock. Then I was angry. That was probably part of why I threw those things at you back in my quarters."

"Hmm hmm. And now?"

"Now? I feel calm. Sad, for sure, but not I-want-to-hurt-myself sad. I'll never get to see them again." B'Elanna felt her cheeks get wet. She must have been crying. "They probably didn't even know I'm here, much less alive. They've probably already mourned all of us since we never returned from the Badlands." B'Elanna tried to wipe away at her tears, but soon gave up when she realized that her tears were easily replaced each time she removed a few. A realization dawned on her.

"I hadn't expected to still be alive after all this time. Life with the Maquis was dangerous. Life with Starfleet is just as dangerous, more so now that we are in the Delta Quadrant." Tom hugged her tight to him.

"Well I for one am glad you are still here." B'Elanna hummed pleasantly.

"Me too." They rested there for several moments, listening to each other breathe. Tom judged it had been at least half an hour before either of them stirred. He had thought that B'Elanna might have fallen asleep. She tilted her head up and back to kiss his cheek.

"Gotchu!" Tom brought a hand to her head, tangling his fingers with her hair, and bent to kiss her deeply.

"Got you back." He resumed kissing her to her delight. Her body hummed with desire and she hoped that maybe he'd try to go a little further tonight than he had before. After yesterday, Tom merely kissed her some more. He seemed too scared and too respectful to go further than that since she had scrambled off of him only a few moments before. She worried he wouldn't go further with her again so she took the hand still resting on her stomach and guided it lower. Even though she knew it was coming, she gasped when his fingers grazed against her sex through her shorts. She brought her hand back to her stomach when she felt Tom begin massaging her with gentle circles. She treated his ears to soft gasps and moans. After a moment, Tom brought his other hand down to her hips to unfasten her shorts. She gasped as he slipped his hand between her underwear and her shorts, massaging her over her damp panties, coaxing her to dampen them further. She rocked her hips in time to his fingers, finding herself at a loss for words. She whimpered softly when Tom snuck his hand beneath her underwear. He froze.

"Do you want me to stop?" B'Elanna rocked against his still hand, begging for it to move again.

"No, please don't." With that, Tom continued to massage her. His fingers brushed feather light against her clitoris. With his thumb, he lifted the hood covering it to expose the raw nerve bundle. She bucked against his fingers as he pinched and rubbed at her most sensitive places.

"Tom," she moaned his name softly when she came, quivering. Pleasure washed over her and fresh waves piled on as Tom continued his ministrations. It wasn't until she pulled his hand away did he stop. She was beginning to feel sore from the stimulation, otherwise she wouldn't have stopped him. "Hmm," she sighed contently. "That was nice."

"I aim to please." Tom bent to nibble on her exposed neck. In her passion, she had let her head roll to one side to reveal the soft expanse of her neck to him. At the same time, Tom fastened her shorts for her. "Are you sleepy yet?"

"A little. Though I can't say that I want to get up." Tom laughed and slid out behind her. Her back hit the pillows and tree unceremoniously. "Hey!" B'Elanna giggled as Tom knelt and picked her up like a baby, then deposited her in one of the hammocks. He climbed in with her and wrapped both of his arms around her. The hammock made it easier to put an arm under her since the fabric gave to the contours of his arm. He pulled the wool blanket over them with his free arm.

"I love you, B'Elanna." The words escaped him before he knew what he was saying. B'Elanna froze. "Ah, sorry. You can just forget I said that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-you don't have to reciprocate." B'Elanna didn't answer him for a long time and it took a while for her breathing to return to normal.

"I don't know _how_ I feel about you just yet. I need time." With that, B'Elanna planted a tender kiss on his lips and then rested her head on his chest.

_I will wait forever for you._


	9. Seeking Pleasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rape and tears warning for this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please leave a review because they are fun to read. Let me know if this story satisfied any of your headcannons or introduced you to new ones. Tom's experience in Auckland certainly is a headcannon of mine.

* * *

_♫ For the debt I owe, gotta sell my soul_  
_Cause I can't say no, no, I can't say no_  
_Then my limbs all froze and my eyes won't close  
_ _And I can't say no, I can't say no ♫_

This was the third time this week that B'Elanna had the pleasure of waking up in Tom's arms. She was getting used to the sensation. Tom mumbled something in his sleep. B'Elanna thought it sounded a bit like "Don't stop...." _Hmm._

"Don't stop what?" To her surprise, the still sleeping Tom responded.

"Don't stop, B'Elanna. Please." It was then that B'Elanna noticed the emerging erection Tom sported. _Does he always wake up like this or is it just when I'm around?_ Her hand drifted to his bulge and began massaging it gently. She wondered if she was doing the same thing in his dream.

"Tell me what you want, Tom," she whispered into his ear.

"I want you to touch me, to—" Tom gasped when she tightened her grip to make her presence known, "to make me come. Please." His voice dripped with desperation even if it was colored by sleep.

"I think I can do that." B'Elanna shifted to get a better grip on Tom. She then slipped her hand through his waistband, surprised to find that he wasn't wearing boxers at all. _Tom...._ She moved her hand faster, thoroughly enjoying the sounds it elicited from Tom. She watched his face carefully as expressions of pleasure took over. He bucked into her hand and came with a moan that made his eyes flutter open.

"Oh," he gasped, "B'Elanna." He was about to tell her about the wonderful dream he'd just had when he felt his waistband snap against his skin. _Oh._ With a shudder, he realized it wasn't entirely a dream. "You didn't did you?"

"I did," she purred and rested her head on his chest.

"You know, that could almost qualify as rape." She started.

"It doesn't count if you were practically begging me to continue."

"I had?" She pulled herself off him to look up at him

"You talk in your sleep," she then added, "and moan." Tom blushed.

"Sorry." B'Elanna returned her head to his chest and traced circles on his chest with her right hand.

"Don't be. I enjoyed watching you," B'Elanna said casually. Tom's blush deepened. He was glad she couldn't see him now. "How long do we have the holodeck for?

"Probably only a couple more minutes. Fifteen max." B'Elanna relaxed into his arms.

"Then we can stay here until then."

"Commander Chakotay has Holodeck One reserved in one minute." B'Elanna was woken from her light slumber by the computer's warning.

"Ready to head out?"

"No," Tom grumbled.

"I don't really care for Chakotay finding us here. Do you?" 

"Hmm. I think I'd like to see his face when he sees you curled at my side."

"Not a chance." She made to get up from the hammock, but was stopped when Tom pulled her close to him. She shrieked. "Come on, Tom, no fair!" He answered by kissing her.

The holodeck's doors slid open, the landscape shimmering to reveal the door, Chakotay and the Captain.

"Ready to lose to me?"

"Ha!" The Captain huffed. "Not going to happen." She took in the scenery around her. "This is a beautiful holoprogram."

"Computer, identify this program."

"The program currently running is Paris four three one." She raised an eyebrow.

"Paris?"

"Yes Ma'am?" She heard shuffling and then a thump followed by an annoyed and feminine ow.

"Are you decent?" Chakotay fought a chuckle. He'd noticed the bite mark above Tom's lieutenant bar during his latest shift. He was pretty sure he knew who gave it to him, and who had just fallen.

"Yes, Captain."

"B'Elanna, are you?" Chakotay asked. The Captain turned to face her first officer, wondering how he guessed the other person was B'Elanna. The bite above Tom's lieutenant bar suddenly made sense and she stifled a laugh. B'Elanna froze. She didn't want to answer, but then realized that not doing so would be more suspicious.

"Yes." The Captain and Chakotay made their way to B'Elanna's and Tom's positions. Chakotay raised an eyebrow when he spotted the hammock. Tom now sat upright in it. His hair was mussed but other than that, he was decent. B'Elanna was on the ground behind the same hammock, having fallen, Chakotay guessed, when she had scrambled to get out of it. He was surprised they had shared a hammock even though there were two before him.

"Did the two of you sleep well?" The Captain's tone was playful. It was Chakotay's turn to watch her with surprise. He saw the faces of B'Elanna and Tom darken with blush.

"Yes actually. Thank you Captain." Tom said as he go out of the hammock to help B'Elanna up. 

"And we'll be leaving you now." B'Elanna, now on her feet, led herself and Tom to the exit.

"Well, that was a surprise," the Captain stated as she examined the pillows on the ground. They looked comfortable.

"Not really. I'm pretty sure there are a few bets on the table for the two of them to get together. Maybe we should join them."

"I heard there were quite a few rations riding on us getting together as well." The Captain stepped closer to Chakotay and brushed her lips to his teasingly. It wasn't a kiss exactly. She wouldn't let herself do that, not while they still had to adhere to this command structure. She wasn't sure what drove her to continue to tease him. If things ended badly between them, it would make it impossible to get themselves home. Chakotay grabbed her slender waist to stop her and paused with their lips millimeters apart. He pressed his lips to hers more aggressively. She relented for a moment before pulling away. "Chakotay. We can't. _I_ can't." Maybe she kept teasing him because she knew she would give herself up to him one day.

"That's okay, I can wait." Chakotay let her go. Ever since they had left New Earth, Chakotay relentlessly made his love for her known. _Someday,_ she thought to herself _I'll give in to him._ She realized that doing so would be an admission of defeat for ever seeing Mark again.

**=/\=**

"I've got to head to my shift. I'm on Beta again and we've been having trouble with the warp nacelles."

"Oh alright." Tom stopped her outside her quarters. He didn't want to leave. "See you later." He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. Her lips molded to his in the way that only she could. When he pulled away he kept his face within a few inches of B'Elanna's lips. "I love you, Be'." B'Elanna was taken aback at the nickname. It could have been a shortening of her own name, but the clumsy tilt of his voice marked it as the Klingon word for "woman". It was an intimate petname, akin to "babe" or "love", but with more substance behind it. Saying it to your mate would practically claim her before anyone watching, while letting it slip with a stranger would almost be a marriage proposal if the Be' in question didn't rip the offender's head off first.

She searched Tom's eyes for an explanation. He surprised her everyday now it seemed. _He must have done a lot of reading after Sakari._ She only found two deep orbs of blue that threatened to swallow her whole.

"I love you, loD." Her tongue tickled her mouth around the word. She rose up on her toes to return his kiss softly. "I'll see you soon."

"I'm counting away the seconds." B'Elanna giggled and playfully smacked his chest, breaking the tender moment.

"You're hopeless." She turned to enter her personal code into the console next to her door while Tom wrapped his arms around her. "Trying to memorize my room code are we?" 

"No," Tom said a little too innocently. _I'll need to change this then._ She entertained the thought of Tom entering her quarters, unbidden, to crawl into bed with her. She wouldn't mind waking in his arms, so she decided that she would not change the code. B'Elanna removed herself from the arms of her loD, giving him a daring look that begged him to try.

"See you soon, loD." Once she had said it the first time, she found that she didn't want to stop. She stepped into her quarters, abandoning Tom to watch as the door whooshed closed. He was alone in the corridor with his thoughts. His thoughts drifted to B'Elanna—_His Be'.—_even though she had only just said goodbye to him. _God, he hadn't even bedded her yet and she was all he could think about!_

Once alone, B'Elanna slumped against her door to sit on the floor. _I love Tom,_ the thought dawned on her. She wondered briefly if the reason Klingons mated for life was if the bite to another's cheek changed something in them. She always _craved_ him now. On the other side of the door, Tom turned to head to his quarters, slightly disappointed that he wouldn't see B'elanna again until later today if at all.

**=/\=**

B'Elanna turned her body to face the window. She couldn't sleep. Her bed was now too warm from her tossing and turning to think it was even a possibility. She got up and went to her couch, palming in the dark for a certain abused stuffed targ. She found him after a moment and sat back in the couch with him in her hands.

"Should I go to Tom again tonight?" The targ watched her with unfeeling eyes. "I do sleep so well with him." She moved her fingers to make the targ nod in agreement. "I don't want to leave you here though. I've left you alone so many nights now. You must be lonely." Her targ nodded again. "Sorry. How about you come with me this time. I'm sure Tom wouldn't mind." If she didn't know better she would think the targ looked happy to come along.

B'Elanna stood from the couch and exited her quarters to make her way to Tom's room. She squeezed the targ in her hand at her side. She resisted the urge to place him on her shoulder like she used to as a child. She didn't want to face the judgmental glances from her crewmates should they see it.

She paused outside of Tom's quarters, suddenly nervous. _Come on, it wasn't like he hadn't seen her naked or she him. And besides they'd only be sleeping together._ Her Klingon part jumped at her choice of words and showed her images of their bodies entwined together, obviously joined in sexual ecstasy. _Not that kind of sleeping together,_ she chided herself as she entered her authorization code. She wondered briefly if being hurt at Auckland explained why he locked his quarters at night. She didn't. She didn't know anyone else who did. A pang of sadness at his imagined pain overwhelmed her before she brought herself into control. She might ask him about it one day, but didn't think tonight would be that night. There was so much she didn't know about this man who had stolen her heart. She hoped she had a long time to learn about him as she stepped into the dark quarters. She slipped her shoes off, noticing that the mound on his bed didn't stir this time.

B'Elanna tip-toed to his bed. Her eyes had adjusted somewhat to the darkness. She smiled at the tender scene before her. Tom's face was turned slightly towards her. A tuft of gold hair—not that she could tell it was gold in this light—covered his forehead messily. His lips were parted slightly and this caused him to snore softly. B'Elanna brushed her hand to his forehead to clear the hair. The touch made him close his mouth and turn his head away. That ended up mussing his hair again. B'Elanna stifled a laugh. She set her targ on the nightstand to watch them sleep. Then, she lifted the blanket covering Tom gingerly and climbed into bed with him. She curled her body to him. It wasn't long before she realized that he was naked like before.

B'Elanna debated if she should leave the bed and wake him so that he could put something on. His rape comment and the possibility of Auckland made her wary to stay like this. But then she remembered that he hadn't been upset to be naked near her before. And further, she wouldn't take advantage any more than she had by slipping under the covers with him and his warmth. She ran her hand against his head and forehead, hoping that she was smoothing and moving the hair from there to rest more flatteringly.

"Hmm, Be'?" B'Elanna paused, her hand resting on his ear. She didn't miss the hint of fear in his voice that confirmed her suspicions about Auckland. Federation prisons weren't supposed to permit...she searched for the words but couldn't bring herself to so much as think them. Needless to say, whatever happened to Tom shouldn't have happened to him.

"It's me, Tom. No need to be frightened."

"Frightened? Why would I be frightened of my Be'?" He shifted to face her. She nuzzled her face under his chin to hide from the two pools of soul that he offered to her.

"You wouldn't be frightened of your Be'." She paused, trying to pick her next words carefully. _Guess this is happening tonight..._ "But you might be frightened of someone joining you in bed if you thought you were somewhere other than Voyager in your just-awoken daze...like Auckland." She spat the prison's name. It suited her that the penal colony's name sounded vaguely like "Yuckland". Tom froze against her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to—I wasn't sure if—" B'Elanna cut herself off, realizing she would probably only make it worse. She rubbed her right hand against his side in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture and not a horrifying reminder of the past.

"It's-it's okay, B'Elanna." He hugged her close. "If you want me to tell you about it, I will. I don't want to hide anything from you."

"Am I right? Did they—?" She still couldn't bring herself to say it. _Rape._ It was a dirty word. She was sorry Tom had it happen to him. He was rather feminine. Not to her, but of the men on this ship he was smaller and his hair was a soft blond color. She couldn't imagine him taking advantage of anyone, even if they were smaller than him. Everything considered, it didn't surprise her that he was a victim, but it didn't make her like it any more.

"Yeah." Tom nodded. His eyes filled with tears before they slid down his face sideways to land on his pillow. It had been a long time since he consciously thought of Auckland. He'd only just stopped having nightmares thanks to a combination of Tuvok's meditative techniques and the Doctor's mild sedatives.

"There was another man there, a friend almost, that got targeted a lot. He was a little sickly when he'd arrived so that made him an easy target. I knew what sort of _welcome_ the larger inmates liked to provide, having been on the receiving end of it once before." He turned to look at the ceiling, willing his tears to absorb back into his eyes before he continued. He'd heard rumors when he found out he was being sent to Auckland. Fate would have it that he be sent to the only Federation prison that encouraged rape between inmates to control and appease them. B'Elanna squeezed him reassuringly. He continued talking with his eyes focused on the black ceiling.

"It's not supposed to hurt you know. Sex between two men, not if you did it right. But they always found ways to make sure it did. And sometimes it was "they", like a group." His body shuddered involuntarily at the memory. He'd just finished a shower when they cornered him the first time. Sometimes, if he did a good enough job with a blowjob he could avoid the worst of it. If nothing else, his saliva offered a bit of lubricant. But he couldn't please two men at once that way. 

He wanted to spare B'Elanna the worst details, like how they took turns with his mouth and his anus. Or how when one finished with his anus, they would switch and that his ministrations with his mouth would arouse them enough that they could enter him again. He wouldn't tell her how it went on for agonizing hours, or how the medic found him lying in the shower entrance in a pile of semen and blood and a shameful and embarrassing hard on that he didn't want but was forced to deal with.

"They liked to jump you when you were alone, so me and the new guy found ourselves in each other's company often for protection. However, that only made them crave it more when we were alone." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, reveling in the feeling, in his strength in more ways than one. "It got so bad that my roommate took to finding me in my bed in the middle of the night to-to rid himself of his desires." He turned back to B'Elanna, craving her gentle gaze and soft feminine features that he loved so much. "It was usually better for yourself if you stayed as silent as possible. Screaming only made them excited. If there was anybody nearby, it invited them to join or cheer the attacker on if they couldn't." Tom pressed his head to B'Elanna's. He wondered if she could feel his damp cheeks.

"My friend was getting weaker. I'd learned that he had cancer. Fatal. The docs were doing their best to help him, but between the chemotherapy and the constant diet of rape, he had plenty of trouble. I offered to help." Tom pressed his lips to B'Elanna's ridges softly. "He told me he didn't know how that was possible. It wasn't as though I could cure him of his cancer or take it from him for myself. I told him that the next time someone came after him, to tell them that Tom Paris would oblige him whatever he wanted."

Tom suddenly didn't want to talk anymore. The memories were too painful. They crashed into him like waves. He also had a sinking feeling that despite Tuvok's and the Doctor's best efforts, he would have the nightmares again tonight. Realizing he was done, B'Elanna pressed her lips to his nose gently, sweetly. _Then again maybe not,_ he dared to hope. This man surprised her with his strength, bravery, and selflessness. The rumors she'd heard when he'd joined the Maquis didn't do him justice whatsoever. Tom Paris is a wonderful man and he would be hers to treasure.

"Thank you for sharing with me, Tom. You can talk to me anytime you want." She ran a hand through his hair. Upon feeling that his cheek was damp, she wiped away his tears for him. "You know, the Doctor once suggested creating a holo councilor for the crew. If you like, I can ask Harry to help make one for you and the crew. I wouldn't tell him about you obviously, but I'd make sure it would be able to handle recovery for rape victims. I don't want you to suffer."

"Harry knows some of it. Not everything that I told you, but he knows that it happened at least once. I was still having nightmares when I first came to Voyager. He woke me up once by entering my quarters and nudging me when communications was out. I nearly strangled him."

"Is that why you lock your quarters when you go to bed?"

"Yes. Don't you?" 

"No. I don't know anyone other than you who does so every night."

"Chakotay does."

"He didn't with the Maquis."

"He does now."

"Huh. Wonder why." B'Elanna could see Tom's lips curl up mischievously, the past clearly forgotten.

"Maybe the Captain's been visiting him and he doesn't want anyone to walk in on them." B'Elanna chuffed loudly.

"You might be right, the crew did know Seska was with him when his quarters were locked for the night." They laughed over their shared secret. When they settled, Tom noticed a shape on his nightstand above and behind B'Elanna. He reached for it, surprised when he felt the familiar plush of B'Elanna's targ. Of all the things that surprised him about B'Elanna, her connection to this stuffed targ surprised him the most.

"Did you bring him with?"

"No," B'Elanna mumbled against his nose, eyes still closed. "He trotted here of his own accord." Tom laughed as he returned the targ to his nightstand. He shifted so that B'Elanna was under him, causing her to open her eyes then. She fell into his awaiting ocean blue eyes. If he didn't disrobe her and take her soon she would die.

"Tom." Her voice carried something Tom thought he recognized as desire. It somehow sounded different than her throaty moans and exclamations from before. The word sounded more tender and sweet somehow. There wasn't the undertone of lust. He met her lips with his softly. Somehow he knew there would be no biting, that this would be sweet and slow and careful. He wasn't complaining. 

B'Elanna met his kiss gingerly. She knew she couldn't say no to Tom even if her life depended on it. She was suddenly nervous at what she knew she was going to do next—who she was going to do. Yet, she wasn't scared. Tom wouldn't hurt her. Her mind drifted to their first encounter. _No wonder he stopped so quickly when I asked. He'd never been allowed that luxury._ The thought made her heart ache for this man, this cocky, but ultimately tender and vulnerable man.

Wordlessly, Tom pulled B'Elanna free of her night gown. She wasn't wearing a bra so he took a semi-hard nipple into his mouth. He massaged it with his tongue until it was fully erect before moving to her other nipple. She treated him to a mix of soft gasps and moans. He brought his legs between hers so that her legs rested against his hips. Tom rocked his penis against B'Elanna's underwear clad body to coax moans and her juices from her. She relished the feeling of him against her. The rocking so close to her center teased her in a way that only Tom could. _Kahless, I want him._ She wanted him inside her as soon as possible. 

Tom finished with her second nipple and trailed kisses down her side to her hip. He grabbed the edge of her underwear there with his teeth and the other edge with his right hand to slip it down. He savored the sight of her thigh curving before him. When he'd made it to her knees, he pulled his mouth away to use his hands as she lifted her legs to aid him. He tossed her underwear aside and pressed his body to hers. He wanted to orgasm with her. While more difficult, these kinds of orgasms were sweeter, intimater, and more satisfying than separately. He slid into her as he claimed her mouth. She gasped at the pressure. Tom paused to give her body a moment to adjust. 

"Ok, Tom," she said after a moment, breaking their kiss. Indeed, Tom felt that she didn't clamp down so hard on him anymore. He began moving in and out of her. Slowly at first, savoring her squirming and moaning, before he picked up speed. He dropped a hand to her clitoris, wanting to ensure that they came together. It was difficult enough to do with a full-human. He wasn't so sure her a half-Klingon would make it any easier on him, especially if they didn't engage in any rough foreplay. B'Elanna pressed against him on his thrusts as they found a rhythm that worked well for both of them. Soon, B'Elanna arched her back with a long moan. After two more thrusts Tom came too. They rode out their orgasms together, rocking together to milk all they could out of it, before Tom collapsed on top of her.

When he orgasmed, he found he actually craved a bite from her. He could wait until next time. He was sure that there would be a next time at this point. He slipped out of her and lay beside her to wrap his arms around her. Remembering the way they molded to each other in the hammock on the holodeck had him longing for a hammock in his quarters now.

"Hmm," B'Elanna stretched herself languidly. Sex always made her crave a good stretch. "Maybe we should proposition Chakotay for a larger room." She lowered her arms to tuck against Tom's chest, palms on his chest. "I like being with you. I'd be happy to be here every night if only to wake up in your arms the next morning." She closed her eyes. B'Elanna's presence, or perhaps the stuffed targ watching over him, would prevent Tom from having the nightmares he once feared. _Yes, I could get used to this,_ they both thought as they drifted to sleep in each other's arms.


End file.
